I’ve always loved immersing myself in stories: films, audio, books. I love romance, musicals, Disney, fantasy adventure, mysteries, action comedies…I could get so involved with the story that I’d be right in there with the characters and literally lose myself in their world.

This was my dream, to be part of another world; a better world. I felt called to find a way of doing just that.

…and yet, I was raised to believe that I was never to ‘upset my father’ (the man/authoitarian). I should lower my standards, play it safe, never take risks, don’t have an opinion, don’t get involved and certainly never ‘make a fuss’.

My mum role modelled this behaviour and, looking back on it now, I feel she chose to put all of her hopes and dreams in a box and buried them and played the role of what she perceived to be ‘the good wife’ according to 1950’s rules: she demonstrated having no power, no freedom and no choice, she made all the compromises and quietly lost her identity in the process.

My mum died suddenly of septicaemia and meningitis when she was just 51 years old, never having lived – in my opinion.

I played the role of the female, as I’d learnt to play it from my mum. I felt totally at odds with myself but had no idea why or what the solution was. For quite a while I made it wrong about me, and thought, ‘who will want to marry me when I’m so bad at being a desirable female’.

I was in conflict with my subconscious learnt behaviour, my soul calling and my conscious thoughts, but I had no idea. I was doing what I thought was ‘the right thing’ and yet felt so, so unhappy.

 I embarked on a quest to learn what I’d never learnt from my family. Who am I? What makes me, ‘me’. What lights me up? What makes us humans tick? What am I here to be/do? How can I be happy? I wanted to make sense of it all. I really, really wanted the magical life I fantasised about from the stories I loved so much.

As a teenager, I’d always been drawn to any type of magazine that had a quiz in it that would advance my knowledge of myself. This interest grew and I started reading self help books, personal development books and anything to do with ‘being human’ basically. I took courses and attended workshops and seminars. I gained qualifications in psychodynamic counselling, personality profiling, neurolinguistic programming, resilience training, psychology, child development and challenging behaviours… I loved learning more and more and making sense of how our brains are wired, how we learn and apply that learning to our lives, how it affects our relationships, careers, bank balance, health and weight.

It has always and will always fascinate me.

Slowly, I began to apply what I’d learnt and I went from powerless, unfulfilled and full of self-doubt to empowered, fulfilled and taking courage to voice my discoveries to give others hope and choice.

I saw it as unravelling the mystery behind the magic, just like when I watch ‘the making of’ a film that I love and I discover how these amazingly creative individuals have come up with such master pieces of a movie for millions of people to enjoy.

I want to bring that magic to your real life, so you don’t have to lose yourself in a story or simply daydream about your ideal life…

Tracey May Has…

• Spoken at Make It Happen events, Colchester Institute, Progressive Property Network, Busy Women Networking, The Business Women’s Network and The Federation of Small Businesses

• Worked with British Aerospace, Thames Valley, Relate, Chelmsford Housing Project, DVLA, Writtle College, County Linens and the Emergency Services

• Interviewed Dr John Demartini, polymath, internationally published author and human behaviour specialist – Listen HERE

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